It's just one of them day's.

You know it's amazing how a simple statement said to you, can change your life. In that second, your thoughts, feelings and actions might very well change. Things that you saw as important, may not have that appeal anymore.

Last night I couldn't sleep. I have periods of insomnia when I have things on my mind. I guess there are lots of us out there who do. I decided to go and stand outside and look out at the night sky. You would be surprised at how calming the dark, night sky can be, especially at 3am.

I stood and recalled the day's events. The little things that happened, that will remain in history. The same things that have "shaped" the future and go on having a knock on effect. The things that you can never change. I realised there are many things that I want to do and want to change, before it's to late.

No, I am not on about "conquering" the world. I have no aspirations about being the next world super power. But like everyone I have my own "I wish I did.." list. A list that I am sure will grow now. You see I found out something that has placed limits on me, and it was a simple statement
that was said to me.

I am not going to bore all with what I found out. Those of you that are important to me will know what it is. Those of you that don't, I haven’t decided that you are less important to me, but as I have said before there are something’s that I just don't want to share. This is one of them.

So onto today. I still have a bombsite for a house. And to make matters worse the kids decided that they wanted to help with the decorating. They did this by pulling the wallpaper off the wall in the room that I am trying to prepare for the arrival of my mother.

My grand-mother and my mother were both in hospital having different operations yesterday, (I still don't know how either of them are), and my dad buried his best friend. A close associate of mine died yesterday after complications of pneumonia, she was 33, and I was given news I would rather not have heard.

Is it any wonder that today I feel like the Earth can swallow me up whole?

Land before time.

It's amazing how much we rely on technology now-a-days. Think back, oh, say 20 years at the things we did as kids.(That is if your in my age range ^_~)

The days before Playstation, X-Box and company, when you was lucky to have an Atari in your house. When you played out on the street and the neighbours mum's used to yell at you for the noise.
When you all owned either a bike or a pair of roller skates.. and you played *Dutch ball on the neighbours wall. In them days your neighbour's were exactly that, your neighbour. You looked out for each others kid's.. brought Ice Cream from the van not only for your own kids, but those playing with them. You told them kids off to, not fearing the reprisal from the parents.

Yes, I am taking a walk back in memory lane. Trust me I have had enough time today to do that! There are a couple reason's for this though. Let me explain.

Firstly,
At work a while back, I listened to an elderly gentleman having a chat with a friend of his. He must have read a newspaper article, or listened to the news on his radio, as the topic of conversation was about the government. Not wanting to engage in this, I carried on with what I was doing. I did catch the "odd" comment though. They were talking about "the state of the kids now-a-days", and how in their day a "good hiding" kept them in place. They went
on to say that if the young "uns" had to do National Service again, they would all be in line. That the government have no clue about how to run the country, and should have left it to the "capable folk". I must admit, these men reminded me of my late Grandad. He always said
the same stuffs.

Secondly,
I woke up this morning, as usual, and went to check my messages from IM. I was greeted with a nice page message:

"The page cannot be displayed".

Bear in mind that I had just woken up, and just sat looking blankly at the screen a good 10 mins before it finally sunk in that, no matter how much I pressed the button, no homepage was going to be displayed!

Time for tea!!

I return after "waking up", tried the same button again (yep I know dumb!!) and then decided to investigate.
I am connected directly to my internet, so I check the cables to make sure that none have come loose. No joy there. Check my router hasn't gone "pop" still no joy. Then I notice that the light isn't on the router box. I reach for the phone, thinking that the ISP might have turned me "off"
by some sort of accident. Ummm there is no dial tone. So that is the Internet AND the phone-line?!

Did someone forget to pay the bills this month?! (No.. I always pay my bills thank you =P)

I take a wander upstairs to put the tele on for the kids, who are now running round the house trying in vain to kill one another! And there is no Tele.. So then I figure that it must be the Cable Company at fault, so I grab my mobile and give them a call.

We have workmen in the area currently renovating a ladies house up the street. They are not English, and it amuses me at times to hear them arguing at each other in their own tongue. (I have a "thing" for different nationals, as you may or may not know!=P). They work everyday and from early morning to late at night.

Well a couple of days ago, one managed to cut a major cable that supplied the Electricity to the area. Cut us off for about 2 hours.. that was fun for all, and the kids at school were sent home early.(Seeing as the school is on the same road). Early hours of this morning, they managed to cut a cable fibre optic line. It's Sunday, and the cable company won't fix it till tomorrow. Oh great joy again!!

So that is the rather long winded account of why my internet and stuffs is currently not working.
Ok so the point of all this is?

Well go back to the beginning. Remember the day's without all the things we have today? The reason I am writing this, is because I have my children at home. They are bored senseless without their computer games, or their T.V to watch. There are so many videos and DvD's that you can watch in one day, without doing something different. We have a cupboard full of board
games that hardly see the light of day.. only to be complained at when they do. So I have to find some sort of entertainment for them. We cannot go over the road to the park.. not unless we want to change into swimming gear.. it's pouring down!

I remember entertaining my younger siblings by playing "adventure" games.. (usually involved climbing around the bedroom furniture without touching the floor), Playing schools (I was the teacher with cookies!) or even just drawing pictures together. My kids on the other hand just
want to tie each other up and play hostages!

I had a brainwave.. I grabbed a sheet and put it over the door and chair.. a tent! I grinned to myself as I remembered doing similar with my brothers and sister. I dived in, expecting my kids to come in with me.

A small head, (my daughter.. the one who always "leads") pops around the opening and with wide eyes looks at me and says "mummy, what are you doing with the washing?"

Bah technology, it's killing the mind (say's she who cannot live without her computer)


* Dutch ball consisted of two tennis balls that were "juggled" against a wall, usually along with a song. The song was sang, such as:

"Mrs. Mop owns a shop, all she sells is lollipops, red, yellow and green".

As you sung the colours you would do a "movement" with the ball, such as under your leg or one hand, ETC, Lots of fun!!

That's life!

I look out the window. Another dreary day.. rain pouring down, day looking as I feel.. grey and moody. Actually I don't feel all that moody thinking about it.. just lack of sleep..has that effect.

As you can see I been "fiddling" with the blog page. *grins* I am finally getting the "hang" of HTML code (that's only taken a good few months to aquire!).

Got delivery of a double bed for the mother last night. It is not put together or made up yet. Was just put, as is in the room that she will have. This is simply because I havn't had time to get to her room to start organising it >.<

My house is still in a chaotic mess.

The kitchen curtains have been finished. I am sick of sewing right now.. I definatly need a sewing machine. It's hell on the hands to hand sew big curtains, trust me I found that one out!

The kitchen walls are painted, dado rail has gone up, and an "improvised" home made cup hanging rail has gone up, nets are done, and instead of fixing that highly annoying door, it got removed. I made a tab top curatin and stuck it through a piece of dowelling and hooked it up on the sink, clever me! I got extra shelves (oh joy, more places to store even MORE junk) and the cupboard junk has all gone (for now). That just leaves me to get a new toaster, kettle, and all the other accessories that you can possibly think of to match the newly "done" kitchen.
Whose idea was all this again?! Only have another 6 rooms to go.

Yuck, put like that I am not going to get this done before I go into hospital.

Love don't live here anymore.

Found this on my comp. I have a lot of poetry, all written
by myself. My creative "flair" if you will. I'm not arty
in any other way.. Just pratical usually.

I look to the sky at night.
Remembering when I held you tight.
Looking back over all the years.
All the times "I love you," was followed by silent tears.

Like a glass shattered, so is my heart.
I know we would be better apart.
To much sorrow, too much pain.
And not wanting to be yours again.

It hurts you know,
to have feelings you want too show.
To want to be in love,
Too Want your heart as free as a Dove.

No more anger,
No more pain.
Just want to feel love again.
Someone to care, someone to share.
And my someone special to be there.

That isn't you,
This we both knew.
Should have listened, when it was said,
Marriage isn't all about the bed.

This isn't just about me.
I know that you also want to be free.
All the times you said you will leave,
We both need space to breathe.

But here you stay.
Not in love, just in the way.
Will our hearts ever be free?
To be in love with someone truly?

Funny how things go. When love is new and you don't ever
see past tomorrow. When you are young, and yes, foolish
indeed. This is one of many poems I tend to write.
I don't "do" emotions properly. Never have done.. I tend
not to express what I feel verbally. I find poem writing
my "release". Yeah, I can be critical, and write
"stuffs". But my own true emotions I find hard to
express. To many "knock backs" in life I guess.

No I don't want to relay exactly what knock backs.. and
what stuffs I have had to deal with.. there are some
aspects of my personal life I won't divulge to the
general audience out there. And each have their own load
to carry. But you know how you pack stuff in, it effects
how the load is carried? Well there you have it!

I'm no superhuman.

I have just read my friend's blog again, and she mentions
me in there *blushes* She has referred to me before now
as "superwoman". I am no superwoman, I am just me.

*shrugs*

I write today's installment, in between trying to sew
curtains, cook dinner, resize a photo for my aunty, tidy
house, read to my daughter and talk to the special
someone in my life.
Currently the contents of my kitchen cupboards are on my
kitchen floor, we are walking over a variety of "stuffs"
right now from various linen cupboards, and my bedroom
looks like the local charity shop that just got a
hurricane run through it. Add to the fact that the
kitchen just got painted, and is still waiting for the
finishing touches to it. No. I am not a superwoman. This
is going to take a month of Sunday's and a whole lot more
to return to normality.

I have had various comments on how I "manage" things. It
is a case of having to. My aunty recently commented to me
that I inspire her. She said she felt "proud" of me that
I have managed to face so much adversities and just
muddled through them. She finished by saying that she
felt that she had neglected me through life, and for that
she was very sorry. I replied to her, "it has made me
what I am, I deal with the problems as they may arise"
People are in "awe" sometimes. It embarrasses me. Like
everyone in life out there somewhere, I have to continue
on, with whatever is out there to be done.
No one else is going to take care of my home, children, or even myself,
apart from me. So on I go, nothing out of the ordinary,
it has to be done.

I am in awe of the people who face severe pressures from
their own walks of life. They have to deal with wars,
religious prejudices, food shortages, illness. These are
some of the things that inspire me. One of my children
said they didn't want to eat a dinner I had made, it
infuriated me. I replied that "you will come to the
table, there are people who would be going without a
dinner".

As people we take things for granted. I really don't want
my children to take anything for granted. I don't want
people to be inspired by the things I do personally. Look
around you, there is so much more going on than that
which is on your doorstep.

And as an end note. I am not some kind of "fix-it-all"
freak. I am defiantly no angel. I have done probably as
much wrong as the next person, have way to many personal
problems going on and just never have the time to fix my
own life.

So no, I am not a superwoman. You are, you make yourself
what you are and that is the super person within.

Another Saturday rush around.

Had some news that has me rushing around my house like a woman possesed.
A visit to the local B+Q store and suddenly I am full of ideas that I need to be doing to my own house. Two cans of paint, a dado rail and various other DIY equipment later and voila, I am suddenly little miss do it all. Thing is a simple job that should take, oh say half hour the longest, took ummm at least 4 hours... That was just hanging up a curtain pole for the bay window. I now have to transform a kids bedroom into something that an adult could stay in.. I have to.. No, No I don't HAVE TO, but I NEED to transform this room. My mum is coming to stay.. and while I find this lovely, my twelve year old in all his wisdom says to me: "She's not having my room, put her in the loft." Good idea, accept that at this current time in "life" I don't have the funds for a loft conversion..

So back to the day's activities.. let's see, how do you occupy five kids, and clear out the junk that has acumalated in the cupboards, and fix that broken cupboard door.. you know that one that you always say "I'll get to do it tommorow" and put up the extra shelves and manage to paint the kitchen at the sametime? Well that is on today's agenda, I will let you know!

You may wonder to yourself why am I doing all this.. Well as I said earlier my mother has decided that she wants to come and stay. Not going to divulge her "information" as to why. Maybe I could persuade her at a later date to write a blog.. she certainly has stories to tell. But also I have finally been told, after a three year wait, that I am to be admitted into hospital for a long awaited and long needed hysterectomy. So this gives me a month to organise 6 years chaotic mess! Any volunteers out there good with a hammer and drill?

Made me smile.

I was on the bus on the way home this afternoon. I sat on the seats that overlook the disabled seats, (I try to be very good and not sit in them) and a elderly gentleman sat down in front of me. I had my bags of "stuffs" that I was trying to move so not to annoy the other person next to me, and as I glanced up the gentleman in front had opened his wallet and was looking at a picture he had in the "window" bit. The picture was black and white. It was a very old picture (was crumpled and lines were evident in it) and you could see that it was a very loved one as well. It was of a young girl, which by my powers of reasoning must have been his wife in former days. I heard him mutter to that picture that it was "raining hard again, and a good thing the washing isn't hanging out." He then closed it and put it back in his pocket. I smiled slightly, as he did that. Made me wish that I was that loved by someone that they carried me in their wallet and spoke to me on their journeys, about the days events.

So here we are.

I have just read my friends blog.
So I decided that I will join the new "revolution" and see what my ideas are like to the world, my thoughts and feelings and fears and things that make me go "mmm".
Why am I doing this? I like comps. I like writing. So it makes sense to combine two things I like.. and do "stuffs".
I have no idea though on how frequently I will be posting to this space.. I hope that in my good attempts at "keeping up" I at least post monthly...