Mad Cat Lady to be...

It's funny how time moves on.
How quickly someone can forget.
The touch, the smell, the sound, even the way that a person eats. How memories fade, being placed into a dusty filing cabinet in the back of our minds somewhere.

Time moves on. My mother of all people was right when she said this to me a few months back. I never listened to her in all my childhood days. She really does have some wisdom. She was wrong about one thing though. I guess it is because she doesn't know me inside as well as what she thinks. She was wrong about the forget part.
"Time moves on and you will forget".

Unfortunately, I have a very good memory. I only forget when I am forgiving. This time the pain I feel is not something I can not forget. In fact, it encroaches on my everyday life more than I care for it to. I haven't forgotten anything, I doubt I will.

I'm living a different life. Have moved on from where I was. Have grieved over the losses, have made new beginnings, friendships and places. But the pain that lies within me is a burden I feel I will carry to my grave.

That thing called love has broken me for the last time.

"Third time lucky?" No third time was a fail. One that I will not even try to recover from. I have been burnt oh to well, and do not wish to have my life turned upside down again, for anyone. My children, (who were also affected by the sudden vanishing act) have put on a brave face and tried to be strong for my benefit. I know that they were just as upset by everything as was I. I will not allow that to happen too them again. I made a promise when they were small, I was not going to be a mummy too have this man and that man in and out of their lives. I have repeated that promise now they are older and they are more aware of their surroundings.  The eldest have said they understand, and if I was to find another guy who was good for me then they are all to happy for me.

I guess I am to become the mad cat lady after all. When my children have grown, have families of their own, (as it is starting as I write), in maybe 10 years time, I will go on the cruise I long for, come back, and get a bungalow by the sea somewhere. Maybe open a animal sanctuary. Become the lady that no one knows, but yet they know that I look after the animals.

Who knows, maybe I will look back on this post. Smile perhaps, shed a tear as I have done this evening reading some of my other posts. But above all else.. I know I won't forget the feelings.