I have decided that I am probably better off on my own. I seem to accomplish more, and seems that I am more determined when I have only myself to answer too.
I tend to give my all when I am with someone. I forgo anything that I may have planned, choosing instead to accompany my companion and placing any ideas I might have had on hold.
I am currently single, and in that time I have passed my driving test, renewed my first aid certificate, changed jobs, booked holidays abroad and started a course of studying again. These are things that I probably would not have contemplated to seriously had I have been in a relationship.
My last relationship I have come to realise, was mainly focused on my then partner. I would rush home and practically wait for him to log onto his computer. (Although we were "together" he was in another country, so the internet was our communication tool. For the most part it worked, I guess, but was very draining and tiring. When the time come for him to make a big commitment, he backed out. So I guess that it was all very one sided in the end.) There I would be for most of my time, even sleeping with him on the other end of the screen. When he found out he had an illness, my first response was I needed to be with him. I actually did make plans unbeknown to him, too fly over while he was in hospital, but these fell through as the day I was due over, he was released. I never told him. I didn't want to worry him. Through our relationship there were things I done, but changed at last minute as he had other ideas. At least now if I want to be spontaneous, I only have to reason with myself.
Besides, being in a relationship is to tiring. I thought the idea of someone to join in your adventures with you is supposed too be a good idea. After the previous relationships I have had, I am passing up on this idea. Emotionally tired and wrecked, I don't think I can spend another moment trying to have someone too "fit" with.
Being single around friends who have partners is difficult. Being invited out to dinners and such like and feeling like you are a "third" wheel is somewhat awkward, but it is refreshing being able to hold your head up high and have a laugh.
For now and the foreseeable future, it is just me, myself and I. Yes that thing called love has scared me, scarred me and literally forsaken me. But I am not alone in this journey through life. I have my children, whom throughout my ups and downs have been close to me, I have my friends and I have my job. These things.. will see me travel far.