Just another thought...

It's the things that make you go mmmm..

Kisa was a gift to me <3 Thank you for the memories..I also had BooCat adopted for me..Thank you for everything

Friday, May 12, 2017

Quick update

It would be nice... in fact it would be amazing to be with someone. Especially since I have this trip coming up to Barcelona. Would be nice to cuddle up to someone on the sandy shore. But I resigned myself to the fact I am probably going too stay single, a choice of my own doing.

As my children are getting older and becoming more independent, I look at my own future and wonder where to next. The world is my oyster as they say!  I don't want to end up like my mother. Disabled, feeling alone in the world and unable to be as active as she would like. I still have a cruise planned for myself. My friend and I were discussing some places which we would like to visit. Watch out world! I am thinking that I want to get a camper van as well at some point.. travel around this island and see some more of it.. The need to keep busy is very real!


Sunday, May 07, 2017

Say something.

Take me back to the night we met..



Thanks to my son, I been binge watching 13 reasons why.

Wednesday, May 03, 2017

Life Update!

I think that I have finally closed another door on a chapter of my life.

I have a birthday looming, and I'm not really expecting anything to be honest. My eldest son took me to dinner at TGIF's today and told them it was a birthday meal. They presented me with birthday cake and sang a crazy birthday song! Put a smile on my face, I was happy with the balloon!

But yeah back to that chapter of life..I been going to Domestic Violence Support group for a while now. I wanted to understand why I let myself get into what turn into abusive relationships in one way or another. Even when I can't see it, guaranteed I am allowing myself some sort of  "being used". So I got therapy. Turns out that I needed to love myself, my whole being and not just "settle" for someone being nice to me. Easily flattered I think she said. I guess I was as no-one was ever really that nice to me. But now I know I can be a little bit more guarded.

I found space for a box of memories. Am not quite at the stage where I can "dispose" of them. I guess one day I will.. not yet though.. I recently got rid of a big black bag of things.. that was difficult enough. And time moves on...

So Holiday looming, and I have seen a real nice sofa set I am going to be buying when I get back! lol I haven't gone yet but I am planning on what I am doing on the way back! Still keeps my mind off of things I don't want to think about!

I am currently gazing out the window waiting to be able too move my car outside. It is currently parked two streets away, and I lubs my car when I cant see it I worry!

Well that's the update I guess.. I am tired its been a long day so I am going to get tea and a snack and cuddle down and read my book!

Have a good one! 

Sunday, April 23, 2017

To Majerfu.. Thanks for everything.. Aid

I see you around sometimes online. I am very tempted to open a dialog box or message you. "Friends" you said. Friends at least say hello sometimes. You cannot even answer me a simple hello. That is a shame, as I really want to ask you something that is bothering me right now. You see, I have kinda, sorta met someone, and I am really, really scared of getting into any kind of commitment now. I wanted to ask you what I did wrong, so I don't make that mistake again. I'm not sure that I want to be involved with anyone on that level though, but it would be nice too know.. just in case.. you never know, this one might like all my "baggage"

It is kinda painful at this time of the year. Especially when reminders come up. But I guess it is getting easier. No strike that, not easier but somewhat manageable. I long ago packed up most of the reminders that were here, but sometimes a sight, maybe a smell or even just a wander over to the park are like little triggers, and the reminiscing starts.

But life goes on, and sometimes the path is not the one that we thought it was going to be. So let's update. I have three kid things living at home now. Two are going through the last years of secondary school, years nine and ten. My "little" girl towers above me now, she is really tall and at only thirteen, she is going to be quite the lady! My fourteen year old son is currently sitting his exams. On his meds he is doing really well. And my sixteen year old is at college and working. He is saving for a "ped" for himself. My eighteen year old has moved out and gotten himself a job and a place to live. He is doing driving lessons and so keeps hinting that he wants to borrow my car! My eldest two are busy with their families I am glad to say that both are being good dads.

And me? Well it's work work mainly for me. Keep myself busy, and when I get free time I spoil my car!
I fixed my printer all on my own a couple of times, as well as an old laptop that was given to us. So I still have the ability to be technical when I have to be!
Packing for this coming holiday, kinda looking forward to it now. I think the kid things are getting excited as they are actually counting down the time to "take off"

Anyway so I need to sleeps.. you know that thing.. yeah well you know I'm just a box away.


Saturday, April 15, 2017

Sad times ahead..

So today started like any other.  I was having a rare "lie in" as the kid things were sleeping in also. I was drifting off into a nap when my 'phone started to ring.

"Hello?"
"Good morning, this is the doctor calling, I need you to come over too the surgery.."
There went my lie in, I get dressed and drag myself across the road to see what the doctor wants.
A few weeks back I had a variety of tests, nothing unusual at my age I guess. Well it turns out that the Doc wants to discuss one of these tests.

Long story short, I am sitting here this evening now waiting for the holiday to be over as I have too
 attend hospital for a biopsy to see if a "growth" is cancerous.
Frightening word that "Cancer". I have lost a couple of friends recently to it. It's a thing that don't care who you are.. how old you are.. etc
I still have a life I want to live, but having something like this hanging over you is devastating, you don't know what tomorrow will bring.
I am trying not to worry too much.
What will be... will be.. 

Sunday, April 02, 2017

Normality?

Do you ever.. like..have conversations with yourself and ask yourself them difficult questions that you don't really know the answers for? I find myself doing this a lot.  Few things have popped up on various different media out lets. Before it would have hurt like hell, now I sometimes smile when I remember or sometimes quickly close it depending on what has come up. I have a quote that says memories are more indelible than ink. At least ink fades with time. I am not sure when my memories will fade.. if ever. I often wonder if he even cares anymore.
I was talking to my close friend the other night. She has just split from a  partner and I said to her that she needs a past time. I mentioned that I took to reading of a book after, and the one that I have as yet is not finished. Her response was; must be a long book its been almost three years now. Does time really matter, can you really just "erase" things that you no longer wish to remember? I find that hard to think about.
Weather is getting nice again, been taking walks over the park and such. Will be taking grand baby over soon. Help her to ride her bike without the "stabilisers" on. I remember when I did that for my lot. Have to do it on the grass.. many a scraped knee otherwise!
Packing for holiday going ok..still have tons to do there though. Currency.. boarding passes and everything else.. book train tickets to get us there.. Im not driving there after what happened to my car last time.
My friend leaves for her trip tomorrow and she is panicking like crazy, I dont fancy her flight though.. eight hours in a plane is not quite my idea of fun. 

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Strangers?

I was shown something that somewhat upset me, the other day. While I am still pining about lost love, it seems that the "ex's" girlfriend was not totally happy about their relationship. I decided to read her post as I was kinda bored and felt nosy.  She really slated him badly from what I read, which is a shame. I don't know the extent of their relationship, to be honest I don't care to that degree. But I do still have feelings for him and that is why it hurt. He was never bad towards me. He had his moments, but then don't we all? He was a gentleman for most of the time. So reading what she put came as a shock. It appears that time has changed him.. and not for the better it seems. I still don't understand why he can't even bring himself to talk too me anymore. I lost a friend there.

Moving on. Everything at the moment is muddling along quite nicely. I got a tax rebate last week so am just waiting for that to clear then finish off paying the holiday! Seems funny having more and more free time to myself. As I write this I am about to get ready for work. Makes a big difference not having to rush into work at 8:30am. The only thing I don't like about afternoons, is the fact I get back kinda late. But hey.. its only a couple of days a week and its not all bad I like my job.

Children thing things are getting grown. #5 son has one year left to go, so is revising for his exams like crazy. He has really matured in this past year. Baby girl has chosen which subjects she will take next year. She has a grown up attitude but lousy teenager moods!  All other kids things are doing well and keeping out of trouble! #3 Son is learning to drive. That came around fast. #4 Son is saving his money to buy himself a motor scooter.. its all go here at the moment!

Right I need to dash.. got to fill the car! Have a great day! x