Just another thought...

It's the things that make you go mmmm..

Kisa was a gift to me <3 Thank you for the memories..I also had BooCat adopted for me..Thank you for everything

Sunday, February 26, 2023



I have just read some of my old posts. One was about going on a cruise. I am pleased to say I have done this! Returned from it last week. Was amazing! 
Canaries is where we went. Lovely place. Was warm as well.. we came back to drizzly London where the temperatures have been in their minus numbers. And because of this I ended up with a chest infection. The covid pandemic missed me but gloomy old London's cold got me! lol
I am now grand mum to six grand daughters. I am working two jobs, and yet I never seem to have "time or money" for anything other than bills, not the way I intended to be living when I was in my 50's. 
Anyway today is one of the rare Sunday's I have to go to work so this is going to be brief! 

Have a good oness 


Monday, February 28, 2022

IT's nearly SPRING!

Well, this year I am going to be 50. Half a century old. At the moment I definitely feel like it! Let's see,

Soon to be 5 grandchildren.. one for every ten years of my life! 

I work for a large company in retailing. We have had a very rough couple of years now. Covid19 was a big issue for many. Our restrictions here in the UK have finally been lifted. In retail, though it was as if we were never locked down. People got more horrid, rude and just generally unpleasant. 

The price of petrol has skyrocketed due to some war that Russia has decided to proclaim on its immediate neighbours. 

My best mate of nearly thirty years has had a brain tumour and is trying her hardest to recover. 

My ex-husband nearly died the only thing about this is that the children are worried about him more than they probably should be. He is currently trying to fight for disability payments and fighting the system so he doesn't have to go back to work. 

I am still single. I gave up long ago now. I go to work, might go out with the girls from work and home. I get the odd admiring glances. Or as the case happened today, got someone trying to talk to me in Asda (of all places) Actually I am finding this quite fun. I get to talk to almost anyone I choose and I don't have to make an excuse for why! I like having my own independence, though it would be nice to go to dinner with someone. 

With restrictions finally lifted I will finally be going on holiday. I am looking forward to this and the excitement that it is going to happen is brilliant.

Right now I am waiting on an email to let me know if I have managed to get promoted to the tech side of the company that I work for. I don't like waiting.. takes too long! *update: I got the email I was waiting for.. and unfortunately I didn't get the job promotion. I am waiting to see the scoring though*


Anyway, more on this as it happens! 

Night for now

Saturday, February 12, 2022

2022 goes a little something like this.. hit it!!

 We are in 2022 at this point. I know I have not been very regular with this blog, but honestly, does anyone still do one in this day and age? It seems to be all about the Tik Tok people.

So where am I? Still work at the petrol station for said big company. Been put forward for a tech "BootCamp" will find out on Monday if I have been shortlisted. Sorta, kinda looking forward to it.. after all, I get to be at home with odd occasions of going onto  Holborn office. 

Son number 5 passed his electricians course.. with a distinction! Very proud of him.

The daughter and I continue to bang heads. She's being rebellious while trying to be "right". I plod on.

Boys 1 - 4 are all working and keeping busy. It is hard to sometimes "catch" one of them! Who would have thought there is such a thing as a telephone? 

Kids "dad" is currently in hospital. Seems to have nearly killed himself. While I'm not too bothered it's rallied all the kids around. Currently waiting on his discharge, which looks imminent. 

Got four granddaughters now, grandbaby number 5 is "cooking" currently. Seems strange to say that another one is on the way. But then, I don't think there will be any more for a while (I hope) 

Let's see Covid restrictions are being dropped soon. We appear to be one of the countries that have lower rates now.

But on that, the rate of living is getting out of control. 

I drove a bus! I am looking at different jobs and got through all the levels to drive a bus. I decided that I wouldn't be able to commit to the long hours and late shifts though. but I drove a bus!  (Can you tell I'm proud of myself!)

Been a long hard day at work today. No heating and stuck door = freezing cold regardless of how many layers we have on! Couldn't wait to get home.. but absolutely shattered! 

Jo is having problems with recovery. She wants to "get better now" sort of thing. I hope she has some sort of normality. I used to think it would be her pushing me about in a wheelchair. Time will definitely tell. 


Right, I am going to bed. Need to warm up! 

Look after you

Monday, May 31, 2021

Hell no, not again.

I am happy in my little world, in my own little bubble. 

I think of the times I have had and smile. I have had a very hard life up until now I think. But I have come through pretty "normal" I think.

And relationships never seem to be the "thing" for me. 

So I am destined to stay single. 

I have aligned myself to this. 

I have only really had three major relationships in my life, as I wouldn't really count an online "relationship" as anything really. We were close, and I did have a lot of feelings for him, but we never really met up in real life and everything was just an illusion. I think we filled something for each other at a time of need. We don't even speak now. We used to keep in touch occasionally but I think he decided that enough was enough. It was a nice fantasy. 

Then I "met" someone else, again this was online, But this became a reality. We spent five years together. At first, it wasn't easy. There was a lot going the wrong way for us. I thought we had overcome the worst of it. But I was wrong. What I thought was my "happy ending" turned into another heartache and waste of time. 

I married young. This produced five of my six children. My Ex-husband was not the person I thought he was. You can look back in my blog to see some of the posts about my life with him. Not something I wish to encounter again. My eldest son was born again while I was young and foolish. I thought I was in love.

I think I have always had certain independence. I watched my mother and father and vowed that would never be me. I have since learned that my mother wasn't really as strong as she appeared to me to be. After leaving my dad, she got married to a guy who abused her in many ways. She died of a broken heart I think. 

I have built myself back up from my last relationship. It took a lot out of me. For a long time, I wished he would talk to me, if even just to tell me what happened on his part. I longed to hear from him, I cried more than I care to mention. Sometimes (and now it is very rare) I might wonder how he is. But I came out the other end. I do not wish to go there again. With anyone. 

My oldest and closest friend, whom I have taken to calling my adopted sister, thinks I "need" a companion. She worries that I will be lonely when my children do finally leave the home. I actually look forward to that, not the companion bit but the kids leaving home.  I know that I cannot let myself go through building a friendship, relationship and life with someone else. I am depleted of that kind of emotion. 

Me, unlike my mother, has learned that you make your own happiness. I grew up thinking that life was about getting married and having a family. As this was the way I was shown. I watch my children having their families, and wish them all the best. I hope that they don't feel that is what life is all about.

I was friendly with someone not long ago. To me, that was all it was. I was just being me and being "nice" I made it clear at the beginning that I was not looking for "anything," I thought that I had made myself very clear.  Needless to say, seems you cannot just be friends with a man just because. I am glad as I have since found out that if we did have any type of relationship, he already has a family. Not my thing. I don't share very well! 

So, with grey hairs in my head, I continue on in this life. I do not wish to impress anyone, so why should I bother to cover up the grey? Grey-headedness is a sign of wisdom (Proverbs 16:31) and I think I have had my fill up to this point! 

It's hell no not again from me! 

Look after you! 

Sunday, May 09, 2021

And so 2021 goes a little like this..!

 I was at work talking about having a blog. Not even sure how it came up, think one of the guys was saying about wanting to set up a stories page. I can give him lots of stories! 

It's been a funny old year. Well over a year now. The whole world went into lockdown as someone thought it would be amusing to let a deadly virus creep around the world. We are still at this time in lockdown, though I go to work and it doesn't seem so. 

Kids have had to do their lessons online which made my son drop out for this year as he wants to be an electrician and needs to do the hands-on part having done all the theory that is possible. He isn't happy that he will have to repeat his year. I will be glad, his shouting and screaming at his game is very annoying.

I have been getting on with things. After losing my mother last year, I am now trying to sort out my remaining debts. Supposed to take my youngest kids on holiday in 6 weeks time.. still in lockdown so not sure how that is going to go. 

Mothers day in Merica today. We had ours in March. I don't celebrate it though, tell my kids daily that I love them and them me. 

Life pretty much trailing on as usual. .whatever that is for me.. work.. fix home.. cook foods.. wash washing.. rinse all and repeat..

Right onwards as I keep telling myself! 

Look after you and be safe.

Friday, January 01, 2021

2021

Well looking through it seems I only managed to write one post the whole of last year. So much happened, and I just lost interest in everything. 

My mother died in August. There were still unsaid things I had to tell her. I do take some comfort in that she managed to answer her questions about God. I think she made herself ready to die. Having no fear of what to come somewhat settled her. 

So I ended the year declaring myself bankrupt. I am waiting for the paperwork to go through and then spend the next 5 years credit less. I can do this.. have done before when the kids dad messed me around. Just hate the fact that I will not have a "back up"

Nearly paid for Jamaica holiday, hoping we can still go.. sorta looking forward to it. 

Sunday, March 01, 2020

Another year roles around

Wow, it's now March 1.

I have been kept ever busy at work. During the Christmas season, it was manic.
Mother ended up in ICU. .my children ended up burning down their kitchen. Traffic attendant, here thought it necessary to complicate my life and issue me a parking ticket, even though I had a blue badge on the car.  Daughter in law had the baby early, so I was there for some of the time. but she chose to come along as I had to go off to work.
Holiday in Tunisia was nice. time to just forget everything and unwind. I have booked to go to Jamaica next year taking the two youngest along with me. It will be the final holiday with them I am guessing. This year I have decided on taking every one of my kids with partners in tow and their kids to a holiday caravan park. Should be fun if they don't think I'm an automatic baby sitter!
Mother has decided to return to Norfolk. She decided this as she was in the hospital. I came home from work one day and she had got my brother to pack all her stuff for her. When I tried to ask her about it she just said she had told him she was thinking about going back. Anyway, I think she discharged herself in the end as she ended back in hospital when she returned up north.
Thing is I don't miss her. I feel the drama she made in my life was not worth it all. I have finally seen for myself, I think, the reason why my eldest brother is not to keen on her. It is a difficult revelation to uncover when you are in your later years.
My sixteen-year-old and I had our first real standoff. I was really hurt and she was walking about s if nothing had happened. I really do not remember being that way with my mother. Although my mother wasn't there enough of the time for me to even think about telling her off.