A letter to you..
I have made a conscience effort not to contact you in over a week. My god that has been hard. I have sat and watched your dot and been so tempted to say "hello, want to do something..?" but I have to move away just so I don't. I have tried endless times to talk too you, and you know this. I have sent you little hellos and everything and you still choose to ignore me, cut me out like I never existed. I am not sure why you have chosen that, but I can tell you that hurts more than anything you could possibly have done.
So I leave the "ball" in your court. As hard as that is, I have to wait and see if you will "throw me a line" In the meantime I just get on with the daily stuffs.. I keep myself busy as possible.
I am looking at the possibility of moving to be closer to my mother..nothing holding me here anymore, well that isn't entirely true, the children are settled in schools. Anyway it's just a thought at the moment.
I sit and wonder what you are doing. And how your day is going. I look at the time and try to work out what you would be doing. For instance.. around 10-10:30 am. ."Gresit will be getting up about now.. go get foods..." It is a horrible existence trying to imagine what you are doing.
I wish you would explain what happened, why you deemed me unlovable. Did I do something so wrong? I need to know! If you can't face telling me then at least give me the courtesy in a mail or something. Even if you just tell me that you never want to see me again.. at least tell me!
*Edit* I found one of your many little "cards" today. You remember? The ones with all the little messages that you left around the house. It said "You are my everything". You have no idea what that has done to me as I am trying to get ready for work. I feel like a wreck :(