Just another thought...

It's the things that make you go mmmm..

Kisa was a gift to me <3 Thank you for the memories..

Monday, November 30, 2015

Just because...

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Another poem..

I miss you more than words can say,
I still wonder why you went away.
People grow, and change together,
This is what makes the relationship better.
But you chose to leave and start again,
And now we are not even friends.

You walked away so easily,
You was already wanting to be free of me.
I didn't see the change, until it was to late
Otherwise I would have asked you to wait.

You never will understand,
You touched my heart, not just my hand.
I'm not finding this as easy as you,
You really did take me for a fool.

My love has yet to die a death
In my heart I feel bereft.
I feel like I wasted time,
In a love I really thought was mine.

Monday, November 09, 2015

Trying to sleep when the brain wont let you!

I was going to message you today. I am not sure why, I just wanted to. I wanted too tell you everything that has been going on. I miss everything.. our chats.. the silences.. the smiles.. cute pictures.. everything.
I chatted to a mutual friend of ours who I haven't spoken to in forever.  Karma kicked him up the backside, poor soul, he was feeling it as a girl he liked had broken up with him. I guess talking to him I realise that every thing I am feeling is still somewhat normal. That is a relief I guess. I am still waiting on "it gets better over time".. It still feels like yesterday. =(

Anyway my brain is racing away and won't let me sleep. Theres only so much netflix/amazon prime I can watch and I have work in the morning! Mr Robot has been my binge of late.. but I finished it! I could go for a run, but its raining, and I don't fancy getting all muddy right now. I don't want to read, though I can as I have the book on my phone.. hmmm that's an idea I will give that a try!

So its good nights again!

Looks after you.. xx

Sunday, November 08, 2015

Another year almost to the end.

This year..

I changed my job.. I lost love, a friend and more..I watched one of my sons turn into a young man.. I had my kitchen refitted.. I packed up to move house..I passed my driving test and got a car..I ran a race for charity (something I thought I would never be able to do again)..and I started to become a lot healthier after deciding to start losing weight.

Putting it down like that I guess I have got some achievements to be proud of.
This year has gone fast.
I wish that memories would go just as fast. I find myself smiling sometimes, like today. I went past a particular place, and had a "flashback" memory. I sat for a while with that memory and smiled to myself, While trying to hold back the tears.

I stood up and recalled my mother saying "life goes on" Yeah.. it does.. and so does pain.
I put up on my Facebook a quote "Everything happens for a reason" I truly believe this, but I asked the question: "What if you don't know what that reason is?"   My friends reply was that you may not know now but you will. Hmm some of the stuff I have gone through and seem to continue to go through, I still don't know why.

I learned a hard lesson well though. I am never going to believe that everything is going "fine" in my life. If I ever say the words "...I have a man who loves me..." I know I am kidding myself. Every-time.. every flaming time I think that or smile that.. sure enough I'm left. I am so just the girl to be there to fill someone's "space".. what about mine?

As mum would say.. Life goes on.. and so to beds. Goodnight! 

Thursday, October 15, 2015

I wish I knew why.  I just want that forever. I feel that it isn't for me.
Sorry if this is a emosh post. But taking stock of my life. 

Wednesday, September 09, 2015

And time goes on..

It is true. There is only so far you can push someone, or test someone before they say either to themselves or out right "enough is enough"
I have learned this lesson well unfortunately.  Time waits on no one. The hands of time keep rolling into night and day.
It is now September. It has been a while since I spoke to a certain someone. *shrugs*
I am going to a ball next month, get to dress as a princess. Something shiny to look forward to!!
Used my coffee maker for the first time in what seemed forever.. actually enjoyed the coffee.. now the poor thing will probably sit and gather dust for the next year again!
I was dog sitting for a friend, that was fun three cats and one tiny pooch. The cats didn't know whether to eat the dog, baby sit it, or play with it... the dog of course was terrified of the "aliens" Needless to say that my BooCat told him who was boss! lol
Went to Nik's 40th. Had a giggle. I was not the designated driver, though I may as well have been.. cocktails do nothing for me.. and the bar was called Yager Bar.. I didn't have bombs.. how sad is that?
Working my heart out at the moment. Just working out a schedule I can manage.. everything is up in the air at the moment with the three youngest returning back to school. The seventeen year old getting a job.. which is really strange! And making plans on a move.. currently having the kitchen refitted. .which is murder!
Anyway life is all calm at the moment.. no high waves for me! I know something has to happen.. it usually does, so sit tight and I will let you know! For now take care of you! xx

Thursday, July 23, 2015

I don't know anymore.

I am hurt..
I am confused.
I cannot seem to find my "one"..
I cannot trust my own self to make the right judgement. Every time I have I seem to have gotten it so badly wrong. I have heard the term " 3rd time lucky" I thought that was my dream..
I'm going to stop.
Love certainly doesn't want me.