To Majerfu.. Thanks for everything.. Aid

I see you around sometimes online. I am very tempted to open a dialog box or message you. "Friends" you said. Friends at least say hello sometimes. You cannot even answer me a simple hello. That is a shame, as I really want to ask you something that is bothering me right now. You see, I have kinda, sorta met someone, and I am really, really scared of getting into any kind of commitment now. I wanted to ask you what I did wrong, so I don't make that mistake again. I'm not sure that I want to be involved with anyone on that level though, but it would be nice too know.. just in case.. you never know, this one might like all my "baggage"

It is kinda painful at this time of the year. Especially when reminders come up. But I guess it is getting easier. No strike that, not easier but somewhat manageable. I long ago packed up most of the reminders that were here, but sometimes a sight, maybe a smell or even just a wander over to the park are like little triggers, and the reminiscing starts.

But life goes on, and sometimes the path is not the one that we thought it was going to be. So let's update. I have three kid things living at home now. Two are going through the last years of secondary school, years nine and ten. My "little" girl towers above me now, she is really tall and at only thirteen, she is going to be quite the lady! My fourteen year old son is currently sitting his exams. On his meds he is doing really well. And my sixteen year old is at college and working. He is saving for a "ped" for himself. My eighteen year old has moved out and gotten himself a job and a place to live. He is doing driving lessons and so keeps hinting that he wants to borrow my car! My eldest two are busy with their families I am glad to say that both are being good dads.

And me? Well it's work work mainly for me. Keep myself busy, and when I get free time I spoil my car!
I fixed my printer all on my own a couple of times, as well as an old laptop that was given to us. So I still have the ability to be technical when I have to be!
Packing for this coming holiday, kinda looking forward to it now. I think the kid things are getting excited as they are actually counting down the time to "take off"

Anyway so I need to sleeps.. you know that thing.. yeah well you know I'm just a box away.

Sad times ahead..

So today started like any other.  I was having a rare "lie in" as the kid things were sleeping in also. I was drifting off into a nap when my 'phone started to ring.

"Hello?"
"Good morning, this is the doctor calling, I need you to come over too the surgery.."
There went my lie in, I get dressed and drag myself across the road to see what the doctor wants.
A few weeks back I had a variety of tests, nothing unusual at my age I guess. Well it turns out that the Doc wants to discuss one of these tests.

Long story short, I am sitting here this evening now waiting for the holiday to be over as I have too
 attend hospital for a biopsy to see if a "growth" is cancerous.
Frightening word that "Cancer". I have lost a couple of friends recently to it. It's a thing that don't care who you are.. how old you are.. etc
I still have a life I want to live, but having something like this hanging over you is devastating, you don't know what tomorrow will bring.
I am trying not to worry too much.
What will be... will be.. 

Normality?

Do you ever.. like..have conversations with yourself and ask yourself them difficult questions that you don't really know the answers for? I find myself doing this a lot.  Few things have popped up on various different media out lets. Before it would have hurt like hell, now I sometimes smile when I remember or sometimes quickly close it depending on what has come up. I have a quote that says memories are more indelible than ink. At least ink fades with time. I am not sure when my memories will fade.. if ever. I often wonder if he even cares anymore.
I was talking to my close friend the other night. She has just split from a  partner and I said to her that she needs a past time. I mentioned that I took to reading of a book after, and the one that I have as yet is not finished. Her response was; must be a long book its been almost three years now. Does time really matter, can you really just "erase" things that you no longer wish to remember? I find that hard to think about.
Weather is getting nice again, been taking walks over the park and such. Will be taking grand baby over soon. Help her to ride her bike without the "stabilisers" on. I remember when I did that for my lot. Have to do it on the grass.. many a scraped knee otherwise!
Packing for holiday going ok..still have tons to do there though. Currency.. boarding passes and everything else.. book train tickets to get us there.. Im not driving there after what happened to my car last time.
My friend leaves for her trip tomorrow and she is panicking like crazy, I dont fancy her flight though.. eight hours in a plane is not quite my idea of fun.