I wish I knew.

I am sitting here at work.  I have to much on my mind to really concentrate on the pile of paperwork in front of me. It has been several months now since Mr America called time. I am sitting here reflecting. I have several "suitors" that have made their interests known,  but as always I am not interested in them.  I just want him.  Looking back over our relationship,  it seems he didn't want me though. He was a gentleman please don't get me wrong,  but everything seemed somewhat shallow. I guess I should have seen it.  Separate beds.. telling me that he can't marry me. . Barely any physical contact.. yet everything else he did.. but there was no emotional connection.  Why do I get into these situations. . I am in love with someone who clearly doesn't feel the same. I still think that I am never going to get this right.  Every one I have fallen for. . Never turns out to be my happy ending.  "Sigh" just for once I want my happiness. . Just for once I want to know. .