D.I.V.O.R.C.E
Song title:Sung by Tammy Wynette
Today is March 11th.
I am sitting staring at the mail that has just been posted through my letter box. The usual collection of bills are set aside at the sight of a large white envelope.
I am now just staring at the envelope as it is sitting on my desk. I know what it contains. The post stamp on the front of it makes it obvious enough. I am sure though that I wouldn't need that to identify the contents. I don't usually get large white envelopes.
I glance over too the 'photo of my kids that sits on the filing cabinet, smile, and think to myself how fast they seem to have grown up.
Next month on April 30th, will be the 15th anniversay of this marriage. Supposedly that is a Crystal anniversary.
Like crystal that has been dropped, this marriage is about to be shattered. As in the large white envelope that I described at the begining, are the final drafts for my divorce.
I have got to that point in my life, where I can finally say "enough is enough". Before anyone even dares too mutter "what about the children", I have thought long and hard about this. We do not live in a victorian society anymore. One where women had to "grin and bear" it. I refuse too be downtrodden anymore. It is making me very unhappy.
The result, my children are seeing mummy unhappy and thinking they are doing something wrong. So yes.. what about the children? I want the best for them, just like any parents do. And honestly, I feel this is the best.
But how do I really feel? Well at the moment I cannot tell. I just want to get this over and done with. I have approached this with a headstrong attitude, in the hope that whatever I feel will end up being relief.
Let me give you an insight. I have been with "my husband" for a total of 16 years. Thing's moved along fast in the begining, and within the first year he had moved in and we were planning a wedding. Correction, I was planning a wedding. There was rumours going around that we only married because I was pregnant. They are false. Our first son was born over a year later.
Thing's have never been "plain sailing". Let me give an example.
He sulked when our first child was born. There were no flowers, chocolates or hugs for me. Instead, having just had a C-section, I was greeted with the words, "Congratulations, you have a son. Your husband went home while you were in theatre though."
Why did he do that? Well because he couldn't get his own way and sit in the theatre. It was a "newish" kind of thing to have the husbands or partner's present at the birth in theatres at that time. I had to be put under a general as well so I was asleep. It was an emergency birth and they rushed me through, for the sake of our son. All this was clearly told to my husband. It wasn't until late the next day that my husband decided to come and visit.
Still nothing to acknowledge the birth though.
So we come home. And life goes on. Our first son was a bit of a handful, and I spent many night's without sleep with him. Yes that's right I. See "daddy" liked his sleep. In fact so much so that he never really got out the bed much before noon the next day.
That is just a tiny bit of what I have "put up" with. There are alot of stories I could tell. The pain is very deepy embedded in me. Though he was never physically violent, he has certainly managed to "get into my head".
So, back to the white envelope. This is where I sign the dotted line on the majority of my adult life. I have my children, and they are the only good thing's I will ever say have come of this relationship. Everything else, will be filed in the memory filing system as "always there, but need's too be forgotten".
I don't hate him. Hate is to strong a word for someone that you have spent alot of time with. And we have the children in common. He is after-all thier father. I hope we can remain on friendly terms at least for thier benefit. I just dislike the time and effort that I wasted.
And life goes on.
*note:I realise the date of this post, is not the same date as mentioned in the post. I hadn't finished my "write-up".*
Today is March 11th.
I am sitting staring at the mail that has just been posted through my letter box. The usual collection of bills are set aside at the sight of a large white envelope.
I am now just staring at the envelope as it is sitting on my desk. I know what it contains. The post stamp on the front of it makes it obvious enough. I am sure though that I wouldn't need that to identify the contents. I don't usually get large white envelopes.
I glance over too the 'photo of my kids that sits on the filing cabinet, smile, and think to myself how fast they seem to have grown up.
Next month on April 30th, will be the 15th anniversay of this marriage. Supposedly that is a Crystal anniversary.
Like crystal that has been dropped, this marriage is about to be shattered. As in the large white envelope that I described at the begining, are the final drafts for my divorce.
I have got to that point in my life, where I can finally say "enough is enough". Before anyone even dares too mutter "what about the children", I have thought long and hard about this. We do not live in a victorian society anymore. One where women had to "grin and bear" it. I refuse too be downtrodden anymore. It is making me very unhappy.
The result, my children are seeing mummy unhappy and thinking they are doing something wrong. So yes.. what about the children? I want the best for them, just like any parents do. And honestly, I feel this is the best.
But how do I really feel? Well at the moment I cannot tell. I just want to get this over and done with. I have approached this with a headstrong attitude, in the hope that whatever I feel will end up being relief.
Let me give you an insight. I have been with "my husband" for a total of 16 years. Thing's moved along fast in the begining, and within the first year he had moved in and we were planning a wedding. Correction, I was planning a wedding. There was rumours going around that we only married because I was pregnant. They are false. Our first son was born over a year later.
Thing's have never been "plain sailing". Let me give an example.
He sulked when our first child was born. There were no flowers, chocolates or hugs for me. Instead, having just had a C-section, I was greeted with the words, "Congratulations, you have a son. Your husband went home while you were in theatre though."
Why did he do that? Well because he couldn't get his own way and sit in the theatre. It was a "newish" kind of thing to have the husbands or partner's present at the birth in theatres at that time. I had to be put under a general as well so I was asleep. It was an emergency birth and they rushed me through, for the sake of our son. All this was clearly told to my husband. It wasn't until late the next day that my husband decided to come and visit.
Still nothing to acknowledge the birth though.
So we come home. And life goes on. Our first son was a bit of a handful, and I spent many night's without sleep with him. Yes that's right I. See "daddy" liked his sleep. In fact so much so that he never really got out the bed much before noon the next day.
That is just a tiny bit of what I have "put up" with. There are alot of stories I could tell. The pain is very deepy embedded in me. Though he was never physically violent, he has certainly managed to "get into my head".
So, back to the white envelope. This is where I sign the dotted line on the majority of my adult life. I have my children, and they are the only good thing's I will ever say have come of this relationship. Everything else, will be filed in the memory filing system as "always there, but need's too be forgotten".
I don't hate him. Hate is to strong a word for someone that you have spent alot of time with. And we have the children in common. He is after-all thier father. I hope we can remain on friendly terms at least for thier benefit. I just dislike the time and effort that I wasted.
And life goes on.
*note:I realise the date of this post, is not the same date as mentioned in the post. I hadn't finished my "write-up".*
posted by Aiders or Aider1st @ 11:14 am
3 comments
