What have I done to deserve this?

What have I done to deserve this, Pet shop boys

This song comes readily to mind for me.
So it's been over a month now since Mr. America called it off.
He continues to ring me, tell's me how he still loves me sometimes. Comment's on how I am dressed or how I am looking, if he rings into Skype. He told me last night he has NO intentions of "getting back" with me. But yet he wants to come too London and "see what happens and see if there is anything to salvage".

I am currently crying at almost anything. Sorting out stuff in my room today, I came across the hotel key-cards we used when we stayed in Manhattan. It was like I had been slapped in the face.. it stung so badly I burst into tears. Why do memories have to hurt?

I don't know what to do. Part of me want's to run far, far away. Be the biggest and meanest ("female dog"), and just really annoy him to the point he leaves me alone. The other part of me is pining away like a baby looking for it's mother.

He also told me last night how he thinks I am perfect, that he would have jumped at an opportunity to marry me, (which indecently I have never mentioned), but my "situation" is in the way. My situation apparently being my children. This up till now he said, never bothered him..

I am still very, very confused and lost. When I said to him I was going on a "date" he said "do whatever makes you happy, though I won't be happy". But I thought that was what he wanted. Turns out I never went anyway, had other things to occupy me.
I don't want to have a hope of anything, but I don't want too feel that I am tied.. either he does want me, and he needs to let me know this for sure, or he know's that it is totally over and friends for him is definitely the only thing he wants. If it is the latter, then he needs to definitely back off and give me enough space and time too get my emotions in check.

Why is this so complicated? I feel totally wrecked. I feel that I have wrecked something that might have come good, with understanding, and might have grown. Now I just feel that relationships, for me anyway, are a waste of time. I keep getting dealt the bad hands. No matter which way I seem to turn, I always seem to be the one getting hurt. Emo? Yes.. chalking this down to experience? No.. I don't want too get involved again. I am to trusting. My trust get's over looked and I get hurt.

I don't know what to do.....