A letter from the heart.

So after a long while, I finally spoke to you again last night. I spent the rest of the small hours of the morning in tears. It is amazing, how a simple hello can make such a big impact. I have been "happy" in my little "world", though my thoughts are tearing me to pieces at times.

I want to tell you what is "new" with me. I want too be able to laugh and joke with you. But it can never be the way that you want it too be. I have never had a connection with someone, as strong as I seem to have with you. It frightens me, fills me with wonder, and leaves me confused. How can someone reduce someone to tears, just by a simple hello?

I did'nt sleep at all last night. Lay awake the whole night, what was left of it, staring at the ceiling. Kept asking myself why, what happens next, and how is this still affecting me after all this time.

You said you still care for me, that's why you want to know what's going on with me. I don't know when the time will be "right" to have any kind of friendship. I still long to hear your voice, see you, just share time with you. Yes, even after all this time has passed. It confuses me also. You said "I'm not all that". To me you were and still are.. And no-one has managed to meet the mark.

So another year is nearly finished. Another "anniversary" of the time that you called it "quits". But yet it still feels like yesterday. The pain is still as "raw" as it was that day. I don't often wish that I could turn back time. But this is one such instance. I wish I could of seen how things would have been, given a different ending.

So this is a letter to you. Something that I need to get off my chest. I still think of you. I still feel you here, (places hand). I am still pining away after you. I am still very afraid of what I feel.