Confused.com

My boss must have got hit on the head today, as he has let me go early for Christmas break. I will be busy the next couple of days though preparing for the holidays.
I sat yesterday, remembering a major memory that came to mind. It was that day last year that I was eagerly anticipating the arrival of my then boyfriend and all his family. I was excited, but he had asked me to meet him and his family at the hotel. I arrived early, the hospitality of the hotel was nice, they allowed me endless cups of tea! I was a bit surprised that all his family were coming over for a couple of weeks. To be honest I thought that I would get a surprise announcement for a Christmas gift. that would have made my year perfect. I didn't. The surprise announcement of a different kind would be when he returned home. Here I sit a year later, heart hurting like hell. He talks to me now, made it clear that he has NO intentions of being with me.. I even know that though, he has said he does not want to date, that's not entirely true.
I sent him most of his things back. I have the odd thing packed up and ready to go back to him. I held off sending the rest as the Christmas post would just delay it further.

I am not sure of anything any more. I am not sure of my own feelings, and I don't feel that I can trust anyone. I went out with some friends a couple of weeks ago, a guy took a shine to me.  I spent the rest of the evening talking about my "wonderful" ex. Needless to say that didn't go down to well. I can't help it. My heart is full of love still and I really do not know what to do.  If he asked me to run away with him, even after everything that he has done to me up to this point, I would not hesitate. 

Every passing day the pain is there. I write this blog, have also started a book entitled our story but they don't look like they will have the happy ending. My prince didn't choose the path that led to me, he chose the one that led away. Seems to be the story of my life.