An adventure or a chore?

I am off with the mother on Saturday evening to see Lionel Ritchie in concert at Wembley Arena. This isn't the first time that I have been to Wembley. I used to live behind the Stadium, (when it was the famous Twin Towers) and I have seen several events both in the arena and at the stadium it's self. Lucky me!

I was desperately thinking of a way to ask mother whether or not she liked Lionel, without trying too much to give away exactly why. Below is a rough transcript of the conversation:

Sticking my head around the door of her room:"Mum, do you like Lionel Ritchie?"

Mum: Nods then says "He’s ok" then after a minute’s reflection she remarks, "wait, who is that again?" A further pause then "oh YES I remember now, yes he is ok, why?"

Me, who by now feels like I should be made of wood because I have bobbed in and out that room door so much I feel like a cuckoo on a clock chime. "Oh, I was just wondering, can't remember now why I asked"

Mum, with a bemused look on her face: "well my daughter I think you need to have the memory section of your brain looked at, if you can't remember...”

I think she deserves a comedy award... I have to have MY brain seen to?! LOL
That is just the beginning of my “surprise”. Imagine MY surprise when I then realise that my mother dislikes the underground tube trains. The way I worked this out was through another conversation.

Me:” I wish that, (This part of London) was connected to the tube network”.

Mum: “I am glad that it isn’t. Not that I would use it anyway, I have my car, that’s my baby”.

Me: “Yeah but suppose that you had to drive into Central London, or goodness forbids your car was broken down, then what would you do”?

Mum, pauses for a minute, gazes into the air then says: “I would call a breakdown man and ask him for a lift”. (A mother’s logic?)

At this point I must look totally confused as she then goes onto explain,

Mum: “well he wouldn’t know that I actually lived here. I could claim that I have just broken down here and that I need to be towed to wherever it was I needed to go”

Me: “Well see that’s the good thing about the underground, go anyway get anywhere”

Mum:”The only time I am going underground is when I am in a box, in fact even then I don’t want to be put IN the ground, I want my ashes scattered”

Me, at this point in time thinking that the conversation was getting slightly lost in translation: “but getting into a tube train is different, surely?”

Mum: “Nope, still squashed in and not going anywhere”

I give in at this point and let her think that her wisdom (if you can call it that!?) has prevailed!

Guess that rules out the underground as means of transport then.

Next dilemma how on Earth do I get from one side of London to the next, without taking the underground... and I have already seen the mothers reaction to the London Buses. Me in my infinite wisdom decides to call the London Transport people, who are SUPPOSED to know routes, (we all know that they cheat and tap away on their little computers) and are supposed to advise you as accurately as possible.

Now it was 7:30am that I attempt to: 1) Have a conversation even though I am not awake 2) Speak English to someone who either has a trouble understanding, or like me has not long woken up and hasn’t had coffee yet.

Me: “Good morning. I wish to travel from (My side of London), to Wembley, the arena type place, I would rather not use the underground and as little contact as possible with London’s Buses”

LT Person: “(some rather rumbled good morning that I STILL have no clue as to what was said) From (My side of London) to Wembley?”

Me: “Yes please”

LT Person: “Without underground tubes?” (Then some incomprehensible things that I think were along the lines of I will have a look, but am not to sure about that- at least I hope that is what I heard!)
Then I hear the click, click of the computer keys, a really, really long pause... a few ummms and ahhhs then finally he replies:

LT Person:”Ok this is the way via railway. It requires you to take the underground from London Bridge.”

Me:”I do not wish to use the underground”

LT Person: “ah yes, ok let me look again”
More long drawn out ummms and ahhhs. In the meantime I’m watching the time tick slowly by and am thinking to myself I want my cup of tea now.

LT Person: “Can give you the whole route on the busses?”

Me: “as few busses as possible please.”

At this point I am probably starting to turn red, considering that this call has now taken at least 15 mins and STILL no results. Just as I was about to say to the person on the end of the line that I would ring back when I had, had my first hot drink of the morning, they came back on and gave me an “acceptable route” that will take nearly 2 hours to complete. Apparently they are supposed to give you the fastest and best route and this was not a route that was advised.

I DONT CARE JUST GIVE ME A ROUTE THAT I WANT TO USE... FOR GOODNESS SAKE THE TRANSPORT WILL STILL BE GETTING PAID...GAH (How I wished that I had shouted that down the phone... but then it wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference)
So now I have a route that uses only one bus route, but it seems that, that is the longest part of the journey.

So I have the journey planned, I have managed to work out that my mother likes the “said” artist and I am quite exhausted even before getting there!
I have tried to bring up the subject of concerts as I know that my mother doesn’t like enclosed spaces. I have managed to find out that she has been to a “tribute” concert a few years ago, but she wasn’t overly excited with it because of the amount of people there. Hmmm.

Well this will be an experience for both of us. First I am going to terrify the poor woman by taking her on London Transport. Then I will be placing her in a Sold OUT crowd of fans, either one of us is going to pass out, or we are in for a great time!!

Well as the said day is drawing near, I have no clue as to whether I am excited or just totally exhausted! I still have to arrange babysitting for my “troop” without my mother suspecting anything, taking the funds out to get us both there in the first place; I need to pick up the tickets... and the travel cards...

Hang on whose idea was this in the first place?!!!!

Ill give you all an update when I get it over with... I am so sorry I started this now! LOL